Self Talk - would you talk this way to someone you love?

Our self-talk is so important to our emotional wellbeing. This is a post that resonates for me this week because as weeks go it’s been a rollercoaster of drama & when faced with life’s ups & downs it’s all too easy to slip into our harshest voice.

Have you noticed that when we forget something or drop something all too often we call ourselves stupid or if we think we’ve made a mistake we'll go over & over the encounter in our heads thinking about stuff we said or should have said; the ways we acted or didn't act & judging ourselves & telling ourselves we should have known better, said more or less or acted differently.

Its all too easy to find our internal voice judging us when if the same thing happened to our friend, or our child we would be so much kinder, we would shower them with understanding, with compassion, give them a hug & even try help them find the funny side or the learning so w could gently help them to move on.

Our internal voice is formed in our childhood in a blend of how we were spoken to, how we were encouraged to view ourselves & how we witnessed our parents view & speak of themselves.

By the time we've formed our internal voice we've separated it from all the threads that formed it - it feels like us & our internal commentary on the world & our relationship with it.

As we go about our daily lives, we may be telling ourselves that we always mess it up; they've always let us down; we never get what we want; what did we expect anyway, this is how it always goes for us; that's our lot & why did we even imagine it would be better?

So often our internal voice can be playing out stories & wounds we accumulated in childhood & until we become aware of these, we can find ourselves unconsciously & repeatedly playing out internal struggles & wounds in the hope of a different outcome.

This can be happening in our relationships with partners, with friends with colleagues, with bosses & with authorities in all forms.

We may put ourselves out there again & again trying to change the outcome but getting increasingly downhearted at turning up the same outcome – frustration & feeling let down that then shifts into feeling bad about ourselves our position, our wants, our needs & our capacity to create change - all narrated with a harsh inner commentary of every step of the dance on how it’s all going wrong.

This can become so overwhelming & distressing that we can end up feeling helpless & hopeless & can result in feelings of anxiety & depression again often informed by a sad & angry helpless inner voice.

Beneath all of this negative internal talk & feelings of helplessness is a wounded inner child who felt their needs were not met & internalised the fear that perhaps they were not even worthy if being met.

Unpicking the wounds that feed the harshness of our internal voice & opening up to a new gentler voice is at the heart of everything I do at lbrucetherapies.com

So often we want to make changes so we can fix something & be a 'better' version of ourselves. I think it is healthier to become curious about the voice we have – giving ourselves space to explore where this voice has come from & to notice all the different ways that it shows up in all of the different areas of our lives. We may notice in so some areas this voice may be stronger or more powerful & others it may be more weak & helpless but it will always have a range of painful emotions attached that have been inspired & informed by the wounded feelings of our inner child.

When we get curious about this voice & the wounds that lie behind it we can allow ourselves to let go of judgement so we can reach deeper into self-compassion & self-understanding; a space where we can become the loving parent or kind friend to ourselves.

I would love to help you help you explore the ways that harsh voice evolved helping you to make sense of the ways this voice became embedded & the ways that is becomes the language & lens that incomes your view of the world. As Alex Howard says 'when you see it you don't have to be it'.

At every stage of the journey towards embracing a compassionate internal voice I offer a range of energetic & somatic tools & exercises that can help to calm your nervous system & establish new neural pathways so this new gentler inner voice becomes the guiding force in your physical emotional & energetic world. A great technique is to acknowledge the harsh words – externalise them, write them down & ask yourself – is this true? If someone I love was going through this situation what would I say to them? Would I really talk this way? Then take all you have written & let it go – tear it up, burn it or soak it in water – it no longer belongs within you.

If you are feeling the gap between the kind listening, you give to friends & the harsh & bullying voice you use on yourself & you would like to bring that compassionate voice within get in touch & let’s shift the narrative to love.

Warm wordy hugs

Laura xx